hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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