I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
