So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
this hospital has no fireball
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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