id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
