no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
