im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize