I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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