Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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