You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
