I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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