I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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