I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
