I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
