Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
