I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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