I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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