He uses pillows to masturbate.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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