i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize