Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
