You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
