My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
