I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize