i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
there is glitter all over my balls
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
