Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
