This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
