so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
