How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
