If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
