You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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