she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
