god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
