:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
