...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
