When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
