We tried having a conversation with our noses.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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