i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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