So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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