I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
