GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And then my night got REAL pukey
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
