doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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