I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
