eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
