he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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