it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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