she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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