No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize