my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
