it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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