I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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