I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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