I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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