His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
