when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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