If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
