what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
