We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
