Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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