I just threw up on my dentist
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
