If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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