Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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