Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
