hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
