We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's shark week go big or go home
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
