recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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