would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize