Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
