he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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