You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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