I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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