Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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