On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
