What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
