i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
