Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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