There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
