Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
