nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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