I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
