If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Come on in and take your pants off
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