You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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