It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
