Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
