Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
