Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize